I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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