I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
