"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
love makes seman taste better
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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