drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
