i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
