I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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