Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
