I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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