I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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