He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
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She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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