she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
MIDGETS
????
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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