You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
