4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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