I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
