update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
