I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
