I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
