how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
