The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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