Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
