I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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