I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
