I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
