guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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