i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
