the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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