how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
