do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
