question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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