I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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