If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
