Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
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I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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