I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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