Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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