my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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