Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This baby is an asshole
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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