i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize