Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
