Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
