My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
