atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
