suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
