Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize