I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
