I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
