did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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