The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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