I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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