Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
