dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
