he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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