I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
