I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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