why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
