my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
