Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
