my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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