I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize