lets start a swedish sibling band together
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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