she looked like the before picture.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
