some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize