someone get that fucking seahorse.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
