Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
