life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
