so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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