you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
