i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
