my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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